Now, in many ways, I've honed my body into a precision instrument for surviving cold temperatures. A diet of Hostess cupcakes and ground beef has built a solid layer of insulating body fat (which also serves as cushioning in case of blunt force trauma), and my thick pelt of back hair traps warm air close to my body (assuming that my back hair functions at all like polar bear fur). As evidence, I point to last evening, when I watched the game in my 65 F home wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts.
However, it was so freaking cold today that I lost feeling in my legs during the 2-minute walk from my car to my building. I've read about Shaolin monks who have developed kung fu techniques that allow them to draw their testicles up into their bodies for protection (since apparently the sworn enemy of a Shaolin monk is a 12-year-old bully who goes around punting people in the nads). I've never understood how that works, but this morning, I was able to (involuntarily) achieve the same result. There wasn't anyone around to kick me, since it was 6 AM, but it's good to be prepared.
(Go ahead, just TRY to kick this guy in the balls)
Quickie review of the Super Bowl: It wasn't a bad game, although I was a little surprised at just how ineffective Chicago's offense was. When you're down by 12 in the 4th quarter, and you know that no team has ever made up a 10+ point margin in Super Bowl history, and your QB has thrown several terrible passes and can't hold onto the ball to save his life...would it really have hurt to put in Brian Griese? Would anyone have criticized that move? Sure, it would have looked desperate, but consider that now, everyone's going to question Grossman the entire offseason. If you put in Griese, and he sucks hard (which is kind of expected, since he hasn't played in two years), the worst thing that could happen is the Chicago fans and media realizing that Grossman might just be the lesser of two evils.
As far as commercials go, it was another fairly lean year. All in all, I'm just thankful they didn't play the damned Rock-em-Sock-em robot truck ad, which just might be the most annoying commercial of recent memory, in competition with the "Head-On" nonsense. Does anyone think, "Well, even though my truck may draw the ire of enraged boxing robots, at least it can take a punch." Wait a minute! Robots shoot lasers! Unless the Tacoma can refract laser blasts (ablative armor used to come standard in most American sedans, but was removed in favor of side airbags - Thank You, Ralph Nader!), then it's not going to be much use once Skynet comes online.
My favorite commercial, hands down, was the Bud Light "Rock/Paper/Scissors," since it included not only "physical comedy/pain," but also had a sweet post-product one-liner: "Low Five!"
Definitely, the high point of my weekend, however, was when I bought my first ever scarf on Friday. I don't have a picture of it, but suffice to say it makes me look a lot more like Storm Shadow then my old lumberjack hat ever did:
The only difference between me and Storm Shadow is that I would never let anyone, not even Snake Eyes, kick me in the back. No way, man. I might let the dude think he's sneaking up on me, but it's just a ruse. That's how I roll.
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