Wouldn't You Vote For This Mayor?

So I'm in the middle of my usual end-of-the-semester procrastinating, and I get wrapped up in a debate about Mike Haggar, an old video game character and one of the greatest playable elected officials in gaming history.

This is a guy who, when his daughter is kidnapped by a suprisingly multicultural street gang, responds in the way only a real Mayor can. He doesn't call for a press conference and tearfully beg for his little girl's return. He doesn't start a committee to discuss options for retrieval. He doesn't resign from office so the mob can't use him to harm the city.

Nope.

Mike Haggar rips off his shirt (thank goodness he wore his special heavy-duty mono-suspender today!), graps a lead pipe, and starts whomping ass with his spinning clothesline.

The campaign video for Haggar '08 is already in post-production: [not safe for work]

That'll move the chains!

The good news from this weekend is that the St. Xavier Bombers will be playing in Canton next Saturday (and, thanks to Time Warner buying the rights, I can watch it from the warmth and comfort of home).

I spent a very, very cold 3 1/2 hours Saturday night watching a terrible game of high school football. Considering it was the top team in the country vs. the highest-scoring team in the state, we kind of figured the final score would be more than 10-7. Admittedly, both defenses played fantastic games, and there were a few bright moments, but most of the game was just dreadful. The worst part of the game (and what determined the win on the final play) was the horrendous offensive play-calling. I'm a stereotypical armchair quarterback - shouting about coaching and playing while hoovering down BBQ meatballs - but there were several plays that just left all of us scratching our heads in amazement. Sports coaching is one of those careers where everyone watching claims to know how to do your job better that you can do it yourself, but come on!

Sometime during the 3rd quarter, when we got bored watching both teams go 3-and-out without gaining any positive yards, I had some very deep, philosophical discussions with Matt Ackerman.

Matt: If you were going to be killed by one animal, what would you
pick?

Me: Can I fight back, like using a samurai sword against a bear?

Matt: Sure, but you're going to die by the end of it. I'd go with Portugese Man-Of-War, so I'd die quickly and just like I lived, floating.

Me: Hmm. Then I guess I'd want to be dropped from a plane...onto an
elephant.

In other football news, I've been punished for my hubris last week (mocking Adam) with a 2-point performance from Randy Moss. Even worse, it's against goddamn Hunter.

SUCK IT, KOCOLOSKI

That is all.

I get political for a moment...

Last week, speaking about Pakistani President Musharaff, Pres. Bush said the following:

"You can't be the president and head of the military at the same time."

We still refer to the U.S. President as the "Commander-in-Chief," don't we? Isn't this referring to the executive branch's role (at least since Truman) as the "head of the military"?

I promise, the normal blogging will return this weekend, as I post at length about my extreme trouncing of Adam in Fantasy Football.



(this comes from Deb Riechmann, Associated Press, 11/8/2007)

This week's surrealism showdown:

I can't figure out which is stranger...

1) I grabbed a burger and Frosty from the Wendy's on campus last night. There were a bunch of, for lack of a better term, motivational signs that people waiting in line could read as they stood there (there's usually a 5 minute wait overall). Most of these signs were pretty normal, saying things like "Hang in there!" and "Your day's about to get better!" Bear in mind, these are supposed to be read by customers. The one that blew my mind, however, read

"There's nothing bad about making a profit."

WTF mate?

2) I was reading the BGNews today, and was impressed to see one of my students being quoted in an article about the costs of healthy food at campus dining halls. This is one of my better students, and the quotes provided were clear and made BG students sound educated about issues. Just as I was thinking that I was going to have to compliment this student in class tomorrow, I glanced at the crime log just above the article (the BGNews crime log, which covers all activity from the city of Bowling Green, is infinitely better than the old Flyer News), and found that another student had been arrested for DUI, possession, and resisting.

Bear in mind that, out of 20,000 students at BGSU, only 22 are in my class.

(the image is from Dan Liebert's blog, which is like a fantastic Deep Thoughts Jr.)

Tell my wife I said, "Hello."

This is from McSweeney's, and it's a thing of beauty:

Adam Sach's "A Presidential Campaign Speech That Will Help You Win the Popular Vote"

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thank you very much for inviting me to your wonderful state here in the great heartland of America but also pretty near the coast. It is an honor to speak from this podium, in this storied courthouse, where so many profound legal judgments were handed down that they more or less canceled each other out.

I am a simple man with a Harvard degree and a solid understanding of tractors. When I was a young boy, my father took me on his knee and told me the principle that has guided my life ever since: "Agree with some things, disagree with other things." His was truly the Greatest Generation, along with a few that came before and a couple that have come since.

Why am I running for president of the United States of America? That's a good question, and perhaps there's no good way to answer it. Or perhaps there is a good way to answer it. Either way, it's a good question and I'm glad it was raised.

I want to talk a little bit about our nation's children. Before this speech, a young man named Stanley Exley came up to me. Stanley is a mechanic, a noble profession if there ever was one. Or perhaps he is a chemistry professor, also noble. He was holding his small daughter, Emily, an adorable 3-year-old who was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Stanley is a straight shooter, and he came up to me and asked me a question I'll never forget: "Do you like children?" And I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Yes, Stanley, I very much like children." Maybe that's not a popular opinion, but it's what I believe. And to those of you who would say, "I don't think children are our future," I must reply in the strongest of terms: "I disagree." Sometimes you have to take a stand for what you believe in.

Our country is sharply divided over a war that is being waged in a distant land. My views on this war are clear: it is happening, it is happening in Iraq, and it will continue to happen until it stops. Some people believe we should withdraw all the troops now. Some people believe we should stay and fight until we've established a stable nation. Some people believe we should gradually hand over control to the Iraqi government. I feel blessed to live in a country with so many beliefs.

On the subject of South African apartheid: I strongly, strongly, strongly oppose it. I'm glad it's gone, and I hope it never comes back.

The state of our economy is in flux. Every single day, the stock market goes up or goes down or stays the same. If elected president, I will ask the Federal Reserve to take a good long look at the interest rate and decide whether or not to change it. If elected president, I will create jobs where there are none, and where there are jobs, I will create internships.

Let us take actions that will make people happy.

Let us take actions that will make people healthy or perhaps have the private sector do it.

Let us take actions regarding taxes.

And let us move boldly so that our children and our children's children can look back and say, "I'm glad they moved boldly on this, this, and that."

Thank you.

"All those times you said you were out getting drunk, you were really killing people?" "I was getting drunk, THEN killing people!"

I was actually so bothered by tonight's TV, that I had to post it here:



A few decent one-liners aside, I was really, really disappointed in this year's Treehouse of Horror (number 18, for those of you keeping score at home). None of the three plots was really a funny idea to begin with (the writers' can't think of more recent films to parody than E.T. and Mr. and Mrs. Smith?), and each one made less sense than the one before.



For a little while, I was thinking that maybe The Simpsons was getting back on the right track - even if it wasn't as funny as the Golden Age of Simpson Comedy (seasons 4-7), it was quality humor that at least tried to be good. Now, I might need to reconsider.



Family Guy itself wasn't necessarily good tonight, but the episode was preceded by a clip show hosted by Seth McFarlane himself. The clips were a good reminder of some of the show's better moments - including the immortal "Rock Lobster" gag - even though most of the clips were jokes that were completely irrelevant to any plot or character development. This is Family Guy's specialty, the one-off non sequiturs and random references; Simpsons (and to a greater extent, Futurama) combined funny asides with multi-dimensional characters the audience could actually connect with.



In more pertinent news, this weekend was The Dog's 'birthday.' We celebrated by: 1) taking Dog to the vet for vaccines and a checkup, 2) trying to figure out why The Dog was completely freaked out from 4:30 AM to midnight on Saturday (I'm still convinced she say Ghost Ninjas), and 3) repeatedly brushing The Dog because she insists on sleeping in the flowerbed mulch.



So happy birthday Dog - hopefully, you'll require cheaper upkeep this second year.

Update:

We managed 11 posts for the month of October (a good number, I must say), so I figured it was time for the blogging equivalent of a 'clip show' episode.

• The papers have, mercifully, gotten slightly better with 13/20 getting at least near passing grades (the class is on a Pass/Almost Pass/No Pass grading system), which is up from 8 the previous paper. At this rate, it'll only take two more papers before 115% of the students are passing. (or, as Disco Stu puts it, "from 1970 to 1971, sales of disco records increased 500%; if these trends continue...hey!")


• I'm still working on the second review for the IJOCA. The book, Comics and Film, is a collection of (barely related) essays, which makes it much tougher to completely cover in 1000 words. Hopefully, it'll be done by next week.


• I've started 1 of 3 major projects for this semester, since I'm presenting it to the class next semester. I'm looking at Werner Herzog's newest wave of films, especially Invincible, as they relate not just to his earlier works, but to 'historical'/Weimar-era german national cinema. So far, it's involving a lot of scare quotes and references to Lacan. I'll keep a running tally of progress on this and the other two projects (both seemingly pointless assignments for a Ritual Theory class that's being taught like an undergraduate seminar) as the semester progresses.


• My PCA abstract (in a greatly condensed form) about Captain America and Bucky (who I think is going to be revealed as the 'new' Captain America in the next few months) was accepted for the 2008 conference; not only that, but I've been assigned as a panel chair. I get to look forward to a fun San Fran trip!


• I'm at or over .500 with each of my fantasy teams for the season, despite a miserable 0-4 start in the Cincy league thanks to the massive suckage of Steven Jackson and Drew Brees. To keep the record good, we'll forget my co-management of the Wife's team, which is not doing so well...


• The fall TV season has pretty much settled down. Bionic Woman has pretty much been dropped (even though I still DVR it from time to time), and the Thursday night block has been real hit (30 Rock) and miss (Scrubs). The high point, though, has been Pushing Daisies, a fantastic program, for which I've been slowly working on a legitimate review.


• Finally, the 'roll call' failed miserably, as I only got 2 responses - not to downplay Koco and PB, but the Wife didn't even bother replying, and I force her to read the blog constantly. How do you do it, Geoff Klock?

PS-Chris Sims, who I would have a nerd-crush for if I ever met in person, posted the following comics panel for the Invincible Super-Blog's holloween post. It really might be the single greatest editor's note I've ever read, and that's including an old Scott Lobdell note in X-Men that literally read "ed-we don't remember which issue this happened in, but trust us, it happened..."