There's a place we are, and a place we need to be.

I just had a completely wretched hour of ENG class this morning, and I'm looking forward to cramming in several days of working on a paper into a few hours, but I was briefly stopped by the awesomess that is the Something Awful Comedy Goldmine, a great feature on a long-time favorite site.

First, a quick explanation. I've always had a history of odd behavior during my sleeping hours. As an undergraduate, my roomates would write down the insane rants I would make in the middle of the night; my freshman year roomie would make them his AIM away messages. These tended to be non sequitors, funny but harmless things like: [in an angry voice]"So help me, if you call me Nancy Drew, this apple is going in your eye!"

After I moved in with the wife, she became alarmed at a series of, for lack of a better term, Night Terrors, where I would sit up and move around in the middle of the night. At first, I would just get up and walk around. For example, one night I stood up, walked into the kitchen, filled up a pot of water, then laid down in the hallway and went back to sleep.

One night, though, I sat straight up in the middle of the night, looked around, then stuck my hand in the ceiling fan (lucky for me, I hit the metal brackets in the center-so the fan wasn't damaged). My wife heard the movement (I'm not exactly stealthy, even when awake), and asked me what I was doing. I turned toward her (remember, I'm blind without glasses or contacts), said simply, "Bugs are on you." Then I balled up the comforter and threw it at the nightstand next to her (she still thinks I threw it at her head).

Then I went back to sleep.

Compare that to these other testimonials: "The Craziness You've Heard People Say In Their Sleep"