[INSERT LOINCLOTH JOKE HERE]

I decided to take a break from writing my papers today and went to see 300 up at the fancy Levis Commons Showcase. I'm still under its adrenaline boosting-influence, so here are some thoughts:

-When the ambassador and guards are pushed down the well/big hole, how freaking deep is that thing? Are you telling me that a bronze age city has dug so deep that we not only can't see the bottom, but can't even hear something hit it? If so, WHY? What possible function can this serve to the city-state of Sparta?

-If all of the slow-motion scenes were played at regular speed, I don't think the movie would have lasted an hour. This doesn't seem bad until you remember that 300 is 117 minutes long.

-After looking at so many toned abs, I think I really need to work out more.

-Who is Gerard Butler's agent? How do you go from Dracula 2000 and the made-for-TV Attila the Hun to not only 300, but last year's excellent Beowulf and Grendel? By the way, if you watch Butler's subtle, nuanced work as Beowulf alongside his (appropriate) one-dimensional Leonidas, you've got to admit he's pretty sweet.

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I really liked the movie. I can't believe I'm saying it, but Zach Snyder managed to make a movie was was less subtle than Frank Miller's book, which stops just short of actually smacking the reader in the face with its symbolism. The added stuff was entirely unnecessary, and the "happy ending" was ridiculous. If you want the perfect cinematic version of Miller's 300, I point you to Samurai Jack. Nobody does Frank Miller better than a cartoon.

What really struck me during the movie was the preview for Blades of Glory, the new Will Ferrell movie. I realized that Will Ferrell has put together this bizarre series of films that present a look at masculinity under threat: Old School, Anchorman, Talladega Nights, and now
Blades. Each one shows the "typical American guy," and each of the three so far emphasize the masculinity of the character, surrounding by traditional signs of success - but these are hollow. For Frank the Tank, marriage and home ownership are unsatisfactory; Ron Burgundy is threatened by traditional feminine empowerment in the workplace; and Ricky Bobby's iconic nature is derailed at least in part by the appearance of a homosexual European into an American-controlled sport. Here's what I've already seen in Blades of Glory's trailer:

• Will Ferrell is successful, famous, and sexually virile
• This character is dependent on public/media exposure
• People don't like homoeroticism, even in figure skating