[O]nly you, the viewing public, can stop the horrid wrath of "Epic Movie," "Date Movie" and the like. They are killing America. And people still go to see them! It makes me hurt right in my shriveled black heart. I should be the one killing America.
Let's get this straight right now: A reference to "Superman Returns" or "Napoleon Dynamite" does not constitute a joke. A guy wearing a green crotch sling, who holds up his thumbs and says "It's niiiiiice," isn't a clever spoof of Borat, it's just theft. These movies are the film equivalent of a guy sitting behind your couch and occasionally popping up to remind you of "Nacho Libre" or shouting out "The A-Team!" before ducking back down again. It may catch you by surprise, but so does getting hit in the jaw with a hammer.
If only more of the mainstream movie critics would include hammer-caused-violence metaphors in their reviews, I would know whether to see Atonement. I give Meet The Spartans a pre-emptive 1 SPARKPLUG (out of a possible 4 1/2 SPARKPLUGs)
*Admittedly, as I see the ads for the movie, my inner nerd is just saying, "Thank god Kevin Sorbo was able to find work..."
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